Do the Un-Possible

You wait for years hoping someone will change. Change to the way you want her to be, to satisfy your ego.

But why do you want someone to change? Why would you allow them to be in your life at the first place if you don’t like their attitude? Why bother push them to change? If you’re not comfortable with the way they are, then maybe he/she’s not your type, and definitely not for you.

And then a question rise, can someone really change? Old habit dies hard says the wise man. Maybe it is you who need to change. Be flexible; don’t wait for other to please you. Maybe it is you who need to adapt to someone’s way of life. Changing is something scary for most of us. You can only change if you are bigger than your appearance. Yet not many fits this condition.

If you can’t really change your view of seeing someone, or in other words you can’t change for other, then how do you really expect other to change for you.

It seems that change is not something you can enforce. Someone can say it out loud that he/she will change only for you. It won’t happen. Even if it does happen, what actually happen is that someone becomes something else that he/she feels remorse in doing it. When it’s not from the heart it’s just a matter of time before he/she returns to their old form.

Hence we come to the term “ikhlas”.

A friend told me, “ikhlas” is how you move on. Ikhlas/sincere/ingenuous means willingly accept something and it comes from the heart. Either you stay and ikhlas accepting her as it is OR you go out leave her and ikhlas seeing her with someone else. Broken heart is out of the question, regardless of which one you choose.

At the end of the day, it is an issue of let go or hold on.

(Badde Manors after Istikharah, mid September 2007)